Wale Pulls Out of Festival After — Gasp! — Seeing His Name on Line Two of Poster

Wale the Great, Wale the Resplendent, Wale the consensus greatest poet in history, is pulling out of a festival for the unforgivable slight of burying his name on line two of the lineup poster.

His Gloriousness Wale revealed his decision on Twitter after the Broccoli City Festival shared its roster. Don’t bother looking for his name — you might tear an eye muscle squinting to find it there on line two, nearly invisible in a slightly-smaller font than line one. “I’m Pullin out this show,” he wrote, randomly capitalizing the ‘P’ as only a genius could.

When someone asked, “For why?” he summoned his full majesty for a crushing three-word response: “Respect is why.” Shakespeare — poor, wordy Shakespeare — bumbled his way through a similar sentiment when he wrote, “Mine honour is my life; both grow in one; Take honour from me, and my life is done.” How he wishes he could have written words that stirred the soul as much as, “Respect is why!”

That this grave insult occurred in Washington DC — which is Wale the Transcendent’s hometown; nay, his kingdom — is enough to drive a person to madness. Up is down, night is day! Next you’ll be telling us that the Broccoli City Festival isn’t celebrating a fibrous vegetable.

With or without Wale the Splendiferous, the Broccoli City Festival goes down May 7th and 8th. Ari Lennox and Summer Walker headline, with additional performances by 21 Savage, Lil Durk, Wizkid, Gunna, and Don Toliver. Though you’d be spitting in Wale’s eye to do so, you can buy tickets at the event website. To pay homage to the great artist himself, you can book a seat on his “Under a Blue Moon Tour.” Tickets are available over yonder.

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