The 10 Funniest Side-Character Quotes

The brilliance of Brooklyn Nine-Nine emanates from the show’s eclectic mix of quirky characters, all of which are written in such a way that enable audiences to laugh, cry, and jump for joy in the space of one short episode.

Related: 10 Favorite Brooklyn Nine-Nine Storylines, According To Reddit

Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s main characters are all hilarious in their own distinct ways, from Captain Holt’s deadpan delivery to Gina’s utter disdain for anyone below her in the social pecking order. That being said, the side characters are just as gut-bustlingly funny, with the likes of Doug Judy and Madeline Wuntch responsible for some of the most hilarious quotes in the entire show.

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Mlep(clay)nos

“This Song Is A Celebration Song For When A Dog Loses Its Virginity.”


brooklyn-99-MLEPNOS

Mlepnos is one of the first recurring minor characters to appear in Brooklyn Nine-Nine, featuring in the show’s very first episode. Each and every one of Mlepnos’ on-screen appearances provides moments of comedy gold, and he rarely fails to deliver a brilliantly funny line.

In the episode “Operation: Broken Feather,” Mlepnos delivers one of the funniest quotes in the entire series while he and Jake dance to a jaunty tune. The whole situation of Jake and Mlepnos dancing to music from his homeland is funny in and of itself, but when Mlepnos explains what the song is for, the hilarity of the scene reaches its peak.


Adrian Pimento

“Okay, Here Are The Ground Rules: You Can Punch Me, Kick Me, Pull My Hair. I Am A-Okay Being Stabbed. Biting And Scratching Are On The Table. You Can Use Fire.”


Adrian Pimento talking to Jake.

Pimento is undoubtedly one of the Brooklyn Nine-Nine side characters with main character energy, and this is mainly down to his unique, bizarre, and hilarious contributions to the show’s narrative. These contributions come in a variety of forms, but none are funnier than his ridiculous quotes delivered with an unmistakably strange Pimento twist.

One of Pimento’s funniest quotes is, unsurprisingly, one of the funniest quotes from any Brooklyn Nine-Nine side-character, delivered to Jake in “The Bank Job.” After agreeing to be beaten up by Jake and Rosa for a case, Pimento lays down some ludicrous “ground rules,” which border on the troubling but cross well-over into the hilarious.


Debbie Fogle

“Thanks. By the way, Jake thinks you smell like [bleep].”


Brooklyn Nine Nine Debbie speaks to Amy with Jake in the background

For a short-lived character who debuted and exited in season 7, Debbie was quite heavily involved with the main squad’s activities. First appearing as Officer Holt’s partner in “Manhunter,” Debbie imposes her kooky demeanor on the rest of the squad (and audiences), rapidly establishing herself as a very funny character.

Related: 10 Things About Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 1 That Keep Getting Better Over Time

Debbie delivers one of the funniest quotes in Brooklyn Nine-Nine during her final appearance in the episode entitled “Debbie,” where, after having beaten up a gangster, she tells Amy that Jake thinks she “smells like ****.” This garners a hilarious reaction of confusion from Amy and panic from Jake, making the quote even more hilarious.


Kevin Cozner

“Better Get Some Corticosteroids To Treat That Laryngeal Fracture.”


Kevin Cozner in Brooklyn 99

Kevin, being the scholar that he is, tends to deliver many witty lines throughout Brooklyn Nine-Nine. These quotes are normally for the benefit of his husband, thus reinforcing the notion that Kevin and Holt are relationship goals.

Kevin is not normally depicted as a man of action in Brooklyn Nine-Nine and tends to deliver his quips in more sophisticated circumstances. However, in “Safe House,” Kevin finds himself having to rescue Captain Holt and Jake from Seamus Murphy, which leads to one of the funniest quotes from a side character in the entire series, said after he delivers a decisive blow to the gangster’s throat.


Bill Hummertrout

“Whatever You want, Man. You’re Paying.”


Brooklyn Nine Nine Bill and Jake plot the heist

The character of Bill is quite simply a stroke of comedic genius from the writers of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. He augments the hilarity of any scene he appears in and is one of the main reasons the show’s heist episodes are so iconic.

Bill never fails to come out with a dynamite quote, and the line that he delivers to an uncomfortable Jake in “Halloween IV” is one of the funniest in the series. As Bill stands there in a Gina costume and a creepy expression on his face, he delivers the quote brilliantly, and it hilariously sums his character up.

Captain (CJ) Stentley

“Milk! Milk!”


C.J. fumbled his way into the hearts of Brooklyn Nine-Nine fans early into season 4, having assumed the role of Captain of the 99th precinct in Captain Holt’s absence. His appearances in Brooklyn Nine-Nine are always a pleasure for audiences, adding a slapstick element to the brilliant mix of comedic styles already present in the show.

C.J. is responsible for one of the funniest quotes in the entire series, a quote which, out of context, does not make a great deal of sense. However, in the context of a fake kidnapping where C.J. has “milk” written on his hand, Jake realizes he might start screaming this instead of “help,” making for a hilarious moment.

Madeline Wuntch

“Those Are My Tissues Raymond. If You Were Planning On Sneezing, You Should Have Brought Your Own.”


brooklyn-99-madeline-wuntch

Although Wuntch is a fan-favorite character in the Brooklyn Nine-Nine community, she is also one of the most maniacal and maligned characters in the show. She is one of Captain Holt’s biggest adversaries, and the pair are always locking horns, with Holt delivering some devastating insults about Wuntch.

It is inevitable then that one of the funniest quotes from any side character comes in the form of a Wuntch insult directed at Holt. The quote hilariously sums up just how petty their feud is, with Wuntch not even displaying the common decency to give Holt a tissue after he sneezes.

The Vulture

“Yeah, Right? I Mean You Only Get One Shot At Your Brother’s Widow.”


brooklyn-99-The-Vulture

The Vulture, otherwise known as Detective Pembroke, is undoubtedly one of the vilest people depicted in Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Despite this, fans of the show cannot help but laugh at some of the outrageously inappropriate things he says, which is why he is one of the funniest characters in the show.

Related: The 10 Bravest Characters In Brooklyn Nine-Nine

One of The Vulture’s funniest quotes is in “The Oolong Slayer,” where he explains to Amy and Rosa that he plans to try and seduce his brother’s widow. This is such an outrageous notion that it is difficult not to break down with laughter, and Amy’s reaction of complete shock makes the situation so much more hilarious.

Caleb John Gosche

“They Were Children, Jake. Weak Little Children. One Conk On The Head Was All It Took.”


Brooklyn 99 The Big House Jake And Caleb

A storyline where Jake is (falsely) sent to prison provides Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s writers with the opportunity to introduce some interesting new characters, and it is an opportunity taken well. Caleb quickly becomes one of the best characters introduced after season 1, mainly thanks to Tim Meadows’ hilarious portrayal of the “cowardly cannibal.”

During his short on-screen tenure, Caleb provides fans with some brilliantly funny quotes, but none are better than when he admits to Jake that his victims were “weak little children.” Jake’s reaction makes the quote even funnier, fully aware that he and Caleb were in big trouble, having just entered “gen. pop.”

Doug Judy

“New York’s Finest Just Got A Whole Lot Finer.”


Brooklyn Nine Nine Jake, Doug Judy, and Holt

Doug Judy is everybody’s favorite car thief, which is purely down to his quick wit and irresistible charm. Fortunately for fans, Judy makes an appearance in every season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and each time he does, he provides audiences with moments of comedy gold.

While Judy delivers many hilarious lines throughout the series, one of his funniest is definitely in “The Fugitive: Part 2,” where he cocks his (NYPD issued) gun and says a “cool cop catchphrase.” The quote becomes even funnier when an enraged Holt takes the gun off of him, and Judy lets out a strange whimper in response.


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